Today is the 20th March 2012 .

Things doesn't seem to get any better . We had an arguement last night over facebook friend request . I didn't know it was a friend he added long ago, because it appears on the recent activities . But nonetheless, i asked who it was . He didn't check his facebook so he said he added no one, i replied it was a girl .

With frustration in his facial expressions, i stopped asking and said never mind, it's okay . I rest my head on the pillow and tried not to think about it . But only to realized he got more annoyed . I didn't wanted to put up any arguements so i kept quiet . As always, he grabbed my chin and lifted my face towards him . For the hundredth times I've told him before i didn't like that, he still does it . My feelings immediately switched to being irritated because in my opinion, only slaves, maids and people being looked down on are grabbed on by the chin to face up and reply .

But i kept my silence in return to your frustrated explanations . Your tone changed as you spoke, like an inpatient teacher teaching a slow learning student . I got really sad . All i wanna know is who's that girl . Yeah i know she's not amazingly pretty, but neither am i . I went out and lay on the couch, i wanted you to come hoax me, but there's no sound . I went in and pretend to take my huggie out, no sound . So i made my final attempt back into the room, turned on the lights and took my pillow out . I heard the door open, which made me really happy a bit, you tried twice to get me in the room but i rejected . Then you said your words and left me laying there .

Do you think i really believe all those guys that said i look georgeous, slim, sexy and beautiful ? No, i don't . I, am ugly . I'm too skinny for my weight and my limbs are hairy like men . My face is not perfect because I have a red birth mark that I've been trying to hide for 22 years, my jaw is over-grown and it's making my whole face look flat from the side . I have elf's ears, small eyes, small breast . All in all, i don't think I look physically pretty . Neither do i have a feminine personality .

I'm scared to lose you too, after what has happened to my sister I'm afraid it will happen to us too . Maybe I'm selfish, coz all i want is to keep you in my pocket and let nobody else get to you . I want you to be wholly and exclusively mine . But as far as i know, i can't .

As the relationship progress, we all know romance and passion is something hard to maintained . Recently it's been something i can't even feel it between you and me . Is it the financial debt that you are in that's making it all more frustrating ? Or is it the shit things from work that I don't know that caused you to be of such difference to the guy i first met .

I feel that I'm of no value to you soon, like I'm a car with breakeven value . Keeping it is for sentimental sake .

There's so much things that's starting to show everytime we quarrel . I'm still the same me when i get unhappy - being quiet, that is, staying away from you . But you ain't the same anymore when we quarrel .

You started giving up hoaxing very easily, your tone gets more and more disgusted, you pointed your index finger directly into my face when you said your words, and worse of all, you just left me stranded at where i was .

Am i wrong ? Or I'm just one horrible lady .